Journo Speak

I am, in truth, a farely garrulus young beast, I loves me loquation, you just watch me loquate all up in your cheeky chops with the gusto of a cliche and having said that I feel I should warn you, I speak with much more fluency than I spell and you are in the unenviable position of experiencing my grasp on grammer at first hand what with you reading this and such.

Important as spelling and grammer are I am primarily concerned with the letters and arranging them in such a manner that might give a vague imprint of the word I hope to impart and following that word with a similarly appropriate arrangement of alphabetic units much like this collection here.

Still with me? you must be if you read that bit and continue to do so as this sentence progresses wasting your time simply describing the action that is neccessary to perform the action.

I feel awful for doing that to you but there, I did it and I cant give you back the time that was taken from you much like Neil Arnold did in his article "A Trip Down High Strangeness Street" of the January 2010 issue of Paranormal (page 43) when he needlessly confused me with this sentence (pay special attention to the bold bit, it'll save you having to reread it) "Take a tour through the high street, from the Chatham end, and walk right through to the famous castle, and you'll be enlightened to find that Rochester harbours many apparitions, not a few of which have failed to find their way into the numerous books written about the place."

I feel stupid. It may seem obvious to you but that little linguistic nuance threw me mainly because it doesn't seem to allude to any particular amount of ghosty ghosts (I like 'em, I'm skeptical to the point of disbelief but I like a bit of a spook & that's why I was examining said publication), and this makes me feel all weird in my tummy space and my head feels all warm and I need to lie down, booooooo neil! boo you! I know some failed to make it into the literature of the town but not wether this amount is all of the ghosts, some or none and, if I have read material regarding Rochester, how surprised I would be to find out about the ghoulies dotted about the place.

Maybe I was tired and stressy, maybe this funk brought on a bout of asphasia (oh yeah! I said asphasia, and if you don't know what it means you'll be all confused like wot I woz when I read Neil's sentence meaning that the discomfort I experienced and am trying to convey will now be vividly apparent, forcing you to consider abandoning this little rant, rendering the point of it null and void, oh the irony) but on reflection with fresh eyes and a zealous appretiation for all things spooky it still refuses to rectify itself in a satisfactory manner.

My only wish is that we abandon vagueness for the sake of verbosity and get down to brass tacks, give it to me straight Neil, say what you mean 'cos you done made me feel all stooput :P

(Its worth noting that the rest of the magazine was perfectly adequate in performing it's duty)